What's your name? Who's your daddy?

As far as fathers go, maybe there are two types of guys. The knock ‘em up kind and the family man.
Two of my friends are victims of the knock ‘em ups. My best friend has a little girl. The father is nowhere to be found until he gets mad about something and takes his anger out by attempting to get custody, which everyone knows will never happen because he has not paid a cent of child support for any of the sixteen months this precious child has been alive. One of my other close friends is expecting. The daddy-to-be is sticking around to take responsibility for it, but I’m not sure how responsible it is for him to get stoned and play video games while she tries to show him the things that she picked out for the nursery.
I, however, think what I may be dealing with is a family man. My love and I talked about children today. We did not really talk about having children together; it was more of a “this is how I see my life panning out…” kind of conversation. He wants to start a family by the time he turns twenty-five. He is twenty-two now. So that leaves three years. He wants to be married before he has kids, so given that timeline, he will probably want to get married in a year or two. It brings endless joy to my heart to know that the timeline he is aiming to work with puts me right smack dab in the middle of it all. While it is completely unrealistic to talk about marriage at the moment, in the grand scheme of things, it is entirely logical to think that if this relationship progresses, I could quite honestly be facing a marriage proposal in the next year or so. Another thing that makes me hopeful is when he talks about the things we will do this Christmas, next New Year’s, or next Valentine’s and the places we will visit together throughout our lifetime. He sees me in his future, and that has given me a lot of faith about this relationship. He wants me around as much as I want him around.
Do not think that I am putting all my eggs in one basket or counting my chickens before they hatch, or anything else that has to do with poultry. I am not counting on this, nor do I expect it. But, it is a wonderful thing to hope for, and we’ll always have Paris.
Ah, Paris. I spoke with him today about going. We will go next year as soon as he gets out of the army. We decided we would go for about three weeks. I told him that this was not a matter to joke about. Not something to promise with no intention of delivering. He was very serious and told me that he was not joking about it, and I best not be either because he, too, has his heart set on going. That made me trust him on it that much more.
I was telling a friend about the trip, and what she had to say about it made me smile: “Maybe he’ll propose there.” I told her that it was way too soon to even think that far ahead, but I admitted that after the conversation I had with him today, I had the same wishful thought. I think what makes me the happiest about the whole idea is the fact that he is the marrying kind. He is the kind of man you want to make a family with.

You don't like players. That's what you say. But you really wouldn't mind a millionaire.

When I was a little girl, maybe four years old, one of my favorite movies to watch was The Great Mouse Detective. And when I watched movies, I always picked out a character that I wanted to be. Well, in that particular movie, female characters were few and far between. There was Olivia, the cute little forlorn mouse who is missing her father, there was the Queen, who was plump and old, there may or may not have been a housekeeper, and then there was her. In one scene, Basil of Baker street and his sidekick Dawson found themselves in a pub dressed as sailors. On stage, not a whole lot of entertainment is going on… until she walks out. This little mouse dressed quite modestly stands in the limelight and begins singing to the “gentlemen” of the pub. Then she rips her modest suit off, revealing a rather burlesque costume embellished with a lot of feathers. My four year old mind did not understand that she was a burlesque dancer, but I did understand that that is what I wanted to be when I grew up: an entertainer. Even after all these years, my dream in life is to be an entertainer for “gentlemen.”
There for a while, my dream was to be a cancan dancer at the real Moulin Rouge. Over the years, my dream evolved slightly. I’m not a dancer. I am an actress. But anything burlesque still intrigues me, and I must incorporate it into my life. I am still heavily involved in theatre, and over the years, the characters I have portrayed have become more risqué. So that dream is definitely being lived. If I had to describe my life in one word, risqué would be it, so the fact that the characters are more and more to my liking brings a smile to my face.
To get back to my point, although I will never be a cancan dancer at the Moulin Rouge, I still long to visit the place and see a show. And while I could do it on my own, I want to share it with someone who means the world to me. Perhaps he is that man I described before. Maybe I have found him.
I am in love with a man. He is kind and brave. He is so selfless, so caring. I have not yet interacted with him in the ways that I would like to, but that time will come. I am sure that everything will be as fiery and passionate as I would like it to be. This is a new love, so I have not yet seen how he reacts to my emotional shows, my multiple characters. But he is doing a magnificent job thus far.
I told him about my plans to go to Paris in a year. I thought he would tell me that it sounded like a nice idea and that I could do it if I wanted to. I figured it would eventually be something that perhaps I would have to choose between pursuing a dream and staying with him, as we have already spent enough time apart. But no. His response was so astonishing. He said, “Do you think you could make room for me there?” He wants to be there when I make this dream a reality. He wants to be there to experience me connecting to a special part of myself that could only show up halfway around the world. He doesn’t want to miss a minute of time with me, and what better place to connect than the most romantic place in the world?
That is what I love about him. He knows my dreams and he wants to see them come true as much as I do. So far, he is wonderful at adapting to my ever-changing character. I’m not sure how much he will thrive on my sexuality yet, but there is time. He needs to come home first before I can learn that for sure. From what I can gather at the moment, I’m not too worried. I bought him a coupon book full of risqué promises. I told him that he could not redeem any of them unless he brought them home with him. He replied with a chuckle, “They are right here in my hip pocket. I am making sure not to lose them.” I also sent him pictures, and he carries them with him, close to his heart.
He does not know yet the full story of my dirty past, but he has a general idea. He knows basic events, but he does not know intensities or numbers. And for now, that is okay. As far as what he does know, he is so wonderful about it. He knows I have made mistakes, but he sees that I have learned from those mistakes, whether I regretted them or not. He tries to live his life to the fullest so that when he is an old man, sitting on his front porch, he will be chockfull of stories. Perhaps everything I have done in my life up until now will just be a marvelous story to tell the grandkids when the time comes. And I would not trade those stories for the world.
He wants to be there to make more stories with me. Maybe the best is yet to come. That’s a splendid thought…

One Day I'll Fly Away

I'm going to Paris.
Not today. Not tomorrow.
But soon.

Proper steps are being taken as we speak.

Some Enchanted Evening

When asked why she chose Roger as a husband, Jessica Rabbit replied, "He makes me laugh." I know what I want in my Future. I want someone who can make me laugh. Someone who can take me on adventures, whether in a faraway land or in our very own back yard. Someone who can look past the wild and crazy things I've done in my life that I probably should be ashamed of (but am not) and know that all those things made me the woman I am today. I want him to understand how important my sexuality is to me, and I want him to be able to thrive on that. I want a whirlwind romance that will last a lifetime. Something so passionate, that it seems like only a wild fling, a torrid love affair that never ends. I want to feel a surge of electricity through my veins when we make eye contact across a crowded room. A man who knows my ups and downs, and knows when I am being myself and when I am putting on a show for the world. Knows my every character, my every desire, and knows how to accomodate accordingly. And the best part? He's out there, waiting for me.